38 weeks and 5 days!
Last night I had some fairly strong contractions...for a total of a few hours. ;) I have to say when they started spacing out and I fell at last asleep between them...I thought ahhhhhhhh....I can go to sleep!!! It's ok to have the baby another night! :)
When they started around 9pm I was kinda like oh no! I had been at work all day, up early with my almost 5 year old...I wanted to rest. To sleep. Not labor. Oh well, when it is time, it is time.
And truly, I can not wait to meet this new little person who is moving and rolling around inside me. :)
Come out baby whenever you are ready!!!
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
grief
so i went to grief therapy with a really really nice woman a couple of days ago. i cried and cried and cried.....
and did some talking as well.
for the first time in a quite a while i have had no acid bubbling up in my throat. no burning heart pain.
learning to live in the moment. not in the past, not in the future. now. and that feels better.
one more day and i am 38 weeks. baby is head down...
and did some talking as well.
for the first time in a quite a while i have had no acid bubbling up in my throat. no burning heart pain.
learning to live in the moment. not in the past, not in the future. now. and that feels better.
one more day and i am 38 weeks. baby is head down...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
i am calm one moment and freaking out the next...mainly inside but there are times where it breaks free and i start to take it out...briefly on those around me (sorry family!!).
baby had been head down, on the right side...sometimes laying more towards my back but HEAD DOWN.
now, NOW baby is laying SIDE WAYS. yes, side ways..
one might wonder how the hell a pretty much full size kiddo is now laying side ways instead of up and down??? i am wondering that myself anyway.
one thought is that i am stuffing emotions in and not expressing some grief that has come into my life, and baby is acting crazy 'cause of this. or, since my sister had her second baby a month ago i spend lots of time (as much as i can!!!) holding her little daughter laying across my stomach...and my baby is now laying in the EXACT same way just INSIDE me, that maybe they like each other and are bonding...heartbeat to heartbeat. weird. cute, but weird.
i think i am going to go to belly dancing class this weekend. mom is going to pressure points on my feet and give me some homeopathics.
i can not remember ever being scared with my first baby. never. i just assumed that i would of course have my baby come out of my body at home when it was ready to come out. and he did. and it all was fine and dandy. now i have fears, really big fears that keep me awake at night, that make my cry at random times, that make me doubt what my body and my baby can do.
i still go to births and feel like of COURSE everything will be great, and that this is what our bodies are made for, and feel calm and centered.
and now it is my turn, and one day can be great and calm and positive. and the next could be me feeling shaky and frightened. is this normal?? mom says maybe i should spend the next few weeks going to therapy, working out some of this with someone else. and i am not against that. but it's like where am i going to fit that in what with a almost five year old son and work and the house and being so DAMN TIRED...and can i just say that i am tired of crying?? cause that is what i would be doing, lets be honest here, just lots and lots of crying and sobbing, i don't even know when i would find the breath to talk...
so writing is supposed to help. so i am writing. and maybe it will. maybe i will not have a nightmare tonight that my baby is born breech or something is wrong or or or or or....
baby had been head down, on the right side...sometimes laying more towards my back but HEAD DOWN.
now, NOW baby is laying SIDE WAYS. yes, side ways..
one might wonder how the hell a pretty much full size kiddo is now laying side ways instead of up and down??? i am wondering that myself anyway.
one thought is that i am stuffing emotions in and not expressing some grief that has come into my life, and baby is acting crazy 'cause of this. or, since my sister had her second baby a month ago i spend lots of time (as much as i can!!!) holding her little daughter laying across my stomach...and my baby is now laying in the EXACT same way just INSIDE me, that maybe they like each other and are bonding...heartbeat to heartbeat. weird. cute, but weird.
i think i am going to go to belly dancing class this weekend. mom is going to pressure points on my feet and give me some homeopathics.
i can not remember ever being scared with my first baby. never. i just assumed that i would of course have my baby come out of my body at home when it was ready to come out. and he did. and it all was fine and dandy. now i have fears, really big fears that keep me awake at night, that make my cry at random times, that make me doubt what my body and my baby can do.
i still go to births and feel like of COURSE everything will be great, and that this is what our bodies are made for, and feel calm and centered.
and now it is my turn, and one day can be great and calm and positive. and the next could be me feeling shaky and frightened. is this normal?? mom says maybe i should spend the next few weeks going to therapy, working out some of this with someone else. and i am not against that. but it's like where am i going to fit that in what with a almost five year old son and work and the house and being so DAMN TIRED...and can i just say that i am tired of crying?? cause that is what i would be doing, lets be honest here, just lots and lots of crying and sobbing, i don't even know when i would find the breath to talk...
so writing is supposed to help. so i am writing. and maybe it will. maybe i will not have a nightmare tonight that my baby is born breech or something is wrong or or or or or....
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