Save the Midwife! Help us correct the growing trend of birth as "big business"- save the only homebirth midwife in our community.

This is a very dear subject for me.  I have donated, and I strongly urge you also to send even a few dollars their way.  Every little bit helps, and shows how we support the small town midwife. http://www.indiegogo.com/Save-the-Midwife

My idea of feminism is self-determination, and it's very open-ended: every woman has the right to become herself, and dowhatever she needs to do.

"I have something to prove, as long as I know there's something that needs improvement, and you know that every time I move, I make a woman's movement." Ani DiFranco I have had these thoughts rattling around in my head for a bit now.  Even as I write this, I am not sure what it is exactly, that I want to say, or how to say it. I do know, that not a day goes by with out me reading or hearing some sort of anti women babble or rant, often from women!  You know, the sort of self righteous crap that we often spit out about each other.  How so-and-so is a bad parent.  How CAN they feed their child that?  Did you hear that she split from you-know-who?  How could she do that?  Don't they know that it is better to just stay together? Did you hear what kind of birth she had?  Does she even know if that was safe? If you sleep with your child you are going to kill them. If you don't sleep with your child you are damaging them for life. She had a miscarriage, it is probably better that way, her life is too crazy anyway. Did you hear that her child STILL does NOT sleep through the night?  This is just a small, mild, sample of what I hear or read, in a few days time. I understand more than ever, how so many women say, that they just never "got along" with other women.  Well of course not!  When you know very well that as soon as you turn your back, it is rammed full of knives from various "friends". "I've been a long time coming, and I'll be a long time gone. You've got your whole life to do something, and that's not very long." Ani DiFranco Women are strong.  We give birth.  We nourish and raise our children.  We make sure meals happen and houses stay moderately clean.  We ensure that there are clean clothes to wear, that our children receive a education.  We cuddle and soothe.  We work full time jobs away from our families and then continue working at home, on the weekends, on holidays and when we are sick.  We rise up when we see wrong and fight for what we see as right.  So much of what we can do is diminished by how much we fight one another.  How we let others put us in a box.  Tell us what we can and can not do.  We are less when we no longer believe in our bodies, or our ability to know, instinctively, what is best for our families. "If you like it, let it be, and if you don't please do the same." Ani DiFranco We give our power away!  We let it slide away, stolen, our gifts, our strengths, belittled until we feel and act as though we know nothing. Our bodies are amazing.  Beautiful.  Sensual.  Strong.  We have the power to grow an entire LIFE inside of us.  We have the power to bring that life into our own hands, to feed and grow it outside of our bodies as we nourished it inside. We have the power, the RIGHT, to choose how WE see fit to raise and protect our young.  To not be pressured or bullied into choosing the "right" way to do things.  There is no right way.  There are MANY ways. I am tired, tired of listening to my sisters talk of how their husband told them to do things that they felt and still feel strongly against.  And they did it.  I am tired of listening to smart women tell me that their doctor told them to give something to their child, something that they felt was not right.  And they did it.  I am tired of hearing from caring warm mothers bullied into believing that how they are raising their families is WRONG.  Often from family members and close friends.  And they believe it. When we choose to go against what we feel at a gut level, what we hear whispered in our hearts, those are the things we will regret until we die.  Those are the memories that will trouble our minds long after our families are grown. Be strong.  Be wise. Listen, to yourself. "It seems that different people have an idea of what I am, and what I should be. And then there's me." Ani DiFranco

Fed up

It is fascinating, how many liars there are.  People who try to make you feel bad, and then come to find out, they should be the ones feeling bad. Reminder to myself...if someone seems to be TRYING to cause "crazy" to be a permanent state of my mind....DROP THEM.  Quickly.  In fact, you really can not get away fast enough. There is not enough time, to spend, to waste, on someone who will never hear what you are saying, no matter how you say it.  When you have had the same conversation, about the exact same thing, more then 10 times, with the outcome turning out the same every time, it is time to walk away. If the unrealistic idea of ME, becomes too heavy of a burden, move on.  I am not perfect, but neither are you. Selfish is never a good place to live, and when you have reached a higher, um, age group, and only have lived in the land of Selfish...well, best realize that that person is most likely never ever going to be able to leave that sweet self centered place.  And yes, it is OK, to not be OK, with that.  Run.  Away. I maintained calmness.  I centered myself.  I embraced change.  I excepted the things that I would not have chosen for myself. And now, I realize, the anger has started to move in.  Maybe I will embrace that, for a time, as well.

"Mom, I am taking a bath in my own sweat"

I find it very interesting that in ALL the reading I did (and if you know me, you know I did a lot) on Puerto Morelos, that not once did I come across any person or website saying that there are often power outages.

Never.

Now I have been here a month, and I enjoyed 4!  FOUR!

I never understood what it would be like to be in a small concrete box, with no fans, no wind, pitch black in 85+ heat. 

As Eddie said, it is like bathing in your sweat.

Mmmm, sweat bath...my favorite.

Did you know if you get hot enough, you will eventually fall asleep out of sheer exhaustion?  Never mind that you can barely stand the feeling of your own skin, your body and mind just at last shut down.

This is a warning to all who want to come to this area, at least in the summer.  Power loss may happen to YOU. 

Oops, Wait...how did we get HERE?

I discovered some new resorts today.  I had no idea that in that direction outside of Puerto Morelos there are fancy giant resorts.

I know this, because, in my hurry to get out of the heat and into a micro bus with the windows wide open...I took the wrong bus.  Yup, we went out of town to drop off employees of the resorts and to pick up the random lost white person wandering in the heat outside of the large resorts.

One of the joys of Puerto Morelos is, that it is very small.  So even spending the extra travel time, it did not add on THAT much time to our trip home. 

Eddie was worried, he noticed right away we had headed in a new direction.  I kept repeating that is was an adventure!  That we could enjoy the new sights!  He stopped worrying out loud, but I believe inside of his sweet head the worry did not stop, as he peered out the open windows at the surrounding mangroves and murky green water. 

"Mom, is that the crocodile's home?  Are we going to see one?"  Not if I can help it baby.

My truly favorite part was when the driver turned around in his seat and fired off some spanish at me, I may not have understood all the words but he was wondering why we had not got off at any of the stops.  And then I got to say in front of the interested crowd that I had in fact boarded the wrong bus.  Haha.  So funny, right?  OK, maybe not funny, but a bit amusing...yes?

Alright.  Not even a bit, his face told me.  Did I in fact know at all the direction I needed to head?  I assured all that I did!  I even knew my street name!  He studied my face for a moment.  Then turned back around and continued to drive, with only the occasional look at me in his mirror.

Just so you know, we did make it home.  And it was an adventure.

Como se dice eso en espanol??

 Right next to the corner market is a tiny little video store.  It is about the size of a very small single garage.  A simple straight line of concrete filled with shelves.

 After our evening shopping and walk Eddie talked me into going in and figuring out how to rent.  We wandered in, the young woman and young man behind the counter smiled and oohed over Tamra.  I walked up to the counter...and...and...my brain went blank.  I could not think how to ask for anything, let alone how to rent.  I could not even remember how to ask for how much the movies cost!  It was like there was just empty space between my ears.

I hopefully tried English.  No go.  They stared at me like I was from another planet.  Shook their heads.  Damn.  Alight.

I will admit right here, that if my children had not been looking at me with big hopeful puppy dog eyes, I would have most likely bailed at this point.  Cut my losses and ran.  Oh ya. 

Finally I groped among my grocery's and dug out the little Mexican Spanish phrase book I was caring around.

I held it up in the air like a lucky talisman, I may even have waved it around a bit.  The store attendants smiled encouragingly, and the other customers stopped to watch.  I could feel my face slowly turning what could only be described as a very deep beet red color.  I felt like I was on fire.  And not in a good way.

At last I managed an ok "Cuanto cuesta esto?".  AHHH!!!  The kids behind the counter smiled!  Si!!  The other customers gave me big smiles and stopped staring as hard at me.  Whew.  The movies they said, cost 10 pesos each.  Awesome, less than a dollar. 

And I also came up with "como?" (how).  I was really rockin' now.  As easy as handing over my drivers license and 10 pesos, and we had rented a movie!!

This has made me want to sit down with my little phrase book and memorize that bad boy.  Good Lord!  And than pray that I don't freeze next time.

However, Eddie is very proud of me.  :)

And I thought I loved to shop...

I like to shop.  Not for stuff around the house so much (though that has it's joys as well), but I LOVE to food shop.

And it is a damn good thing.

I have learned that if I don't want to take a bus to buy grocery's, I can walk 2 blocks to the mini corner store for a random assortment of things.   100% juice, canned goods, diapers, a few items of produce, candy, snacks, water, milk and the best home made "string cheese", you have ever had!  It comes in a big round in a big bag and you tell them how much you want.  Queso is the name, and this has a lovely aged flavor and still does that fun "string thing" for the kids.

Or, I can take a right at the store and walk another block to what I call The Big Red store.  It is a good size, and it is painted red.  There ya have it.

There I can get all grocery items and things like shampoo and toothpaste.  They have great fresh meat, cheese and eggs as well.  However, no produce!  For that I walk another block and hit the produce market...or 2 MORE blocks and I can go to the REALLY good produce market-Chilem.  At the produce markets you can get almost anything your little heart desires including fresh herbs and cactus.  Not many leafy greens though...but fresh eggs and freshly juiced anything they have in stock bottled in a cooler.  I am talking mango, orange, carrot, a mixed green drink, papaya....it is the BEST juice!  

Plain yogurt, whole chickens (yes, head, feet..all of it), raw local honey, plus odds and ends for daily cooking.

To be honest, if I make it as far as the 2nd produce shop, I am waving down the next bus to pass and happily handing over 5 pesos to not have to haul everything back on my own two feet. 

You can tell my kids have been raised in a store, for one, Tamra Rose crawls under all the produce racks and tables and picks up fallen produce and hands to over to the family working.  They have been greatly amused by her.  She however has been greatly disturbed by how much food falls on the ground.

Today on the way to buy produce, we passed a stall open for the evening that has a great selection shoes, and Eddie very badly needed a new pair of sandals.  After much of my spanglish and the shop owners rapid spanish, we settled on a green pair of crocs for 89 pesos-a very good price.  Tamra Rose sat the entire time on the curb in front eating a whole apple and watching with interest as Eddie tried on many shoes.

I know some (ok, most) of the "white" folks here go the extra thirty minutes to cancun to hit up walmart, but I have a very hard time shopping at walmart ever, let alone to completely ignore the local vendors and all that they have to offer.  Which is a lot.  It just takes a little work.

My mission, or one of them, to myself?  Learn ALL the numbers and number combos in Spanish!  Whew, that one hurts my brain.