Doomed to a sad/bad birth because of no partner..ok maybe not

I like to think of myself as pretty much like any other pregnant mama. Maybe a little bit more crunchy-out there, then again maybe not.

I have been reading Hypno Birthing because I thought to myself that with this birth I would like to try something that would calm or center me. The more I read the more frustrated I find myself getting. I realize that I am talking out loud to myself as I read through it. I put it down for weeks then pick it back up and mutter my way through a few more chapters.

Why am I feeling so angry? Cause that is exactly how I am feeling. Angry. Because this book if FULL of what you need to do to have the BEST pregnancy ever, the BEST birth ever, the BEST baby ever, the BEST partner ever. All I want is a format on how to self calm and go inward during birth. I am single by choice and having every chapter tell me how you MUST have your "partner/husband" at the birth helping you every step of the way, and how you MUST have this person helping you and you helping him/her to have the BEST pregnancy/birth EVER...well it just plain ol' makes me start to see red. This is my second baby that I am choosing to do with some family but no partner. My choice thank you very much. Also I am feel that I am a fairly self aware person, and in tune with myself, my body. But here I read on and on about how I need to read to my belly, play soft soothing music, no harsh/loud/angry noises, take lots of bathes and "swish" the baby around, take time to squeeze/tap/push on my belly to interact with the baby...and blah blah blah. Really? Like most things you will do here and there naturally anyway, but why the list? Why add more "to do" things to my already crazy day? Why am I reading this in a book that is supposed to be helping me relax and have a soothing birth? Since when did having a baby and being pregnant turn into such an ordeal? What would happen if I just lived regularly...reading to my 4 year old son and almost 2 year old niece, chasing them around, yelling at them, working, playing my hip hop/Latin/blues mix of music that I rotate through, hanging out with friends, talking to my baby and about my baby. You know, LIVING. Not checking of the list of must do items every damn day.

Maybe it is silly, and I should just hand off the book to someone else who might actually enjoy it. I hate not finishing things thought and I keep hoping I will get to a part that will be just what I am looking for.

One of the reasons I have chosen Home Birth with both babies is that I am tired, exhausted by the ordeal that has become pregnancy and birth. And somehow I thought I was going to be reading something that went along with my ideas of simplicity.

Wrong.