I HATE how some days I am living is this little world in my head. And in my little world I am freaking out. Every little thing the kids do is a personal assault on me. Every dirty area of the house offends me and threatens my day.
When I am in my little world, I forget how to talk nicely, I can't remember to take my mood herbs, I lose sight of how I can tap to work through my emotions.
Instead I am just spiraling out of control. A tiny part of me is screaming "STOP STOP STOP!!". The rest of me is just a giant asshole and takes over.
Once things calm down (people are not fighting, dinner is over, baths are done...etc) I slowly regain some sense of balance.
Sort of.
I also feel like shit, and beat myself up over what a crazy parent I can be.
I don't know what I need. Well, I know I need to discover, UN-cover what MY needs are so I am not taking out my un-met needs on my family.
And maybe a nanny.
Fuck, this parent shit is hard
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