I was standing in the shower this morning. My only real alone time. Be it one minute or five, it feels good to just stand there under the hot water and let my mind wander.
Today I flashed to the end of my labor with Aashi, which was in the bathroom.
I started thinking about being in the shower, then the bath, then out of the bath...but not quite ready to leave the bathroom as contraction after contraction hit me hard and quick.
I started to have tears, as I remembered how I clung to my sister, as we rocked back and forth together. She whispered I love you over and over in my ear and cried while I moaned and screamed down Aashi.
"Hold on to me, I have you" she said.
And I did. I held on to her for dear life, she was my lifeline, the reason I could keep going, tired and hurting, and wanting this to be at last.
I worried about hurting her as I labored but she kept telling me she was fine. So we danced together, the wonderful dance of birth. Even while we cried together, she made me feel like I could go on and do this. She made me feel strong, with her strength, holding me up, in the same bathroom that she birthed two of her children in.
We did at last make it back to the bedroom, and I did rock, moan and push my Aashi out, on hands and knees on the bed.
But what I remember so clearly is my sister, helping me dance my baby out.
I love you little sister.
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